6 April, 2021

Who am I?

(Or "I'm sure I left my identity around here somewhere")

When I was pregnant, people rushed to tell me (as is customary, according to ancient law) that Everything Was About To Change Forever.

Like the second I gave birth, some mythical creature was going to swoop in and be all “Thou shalt ne’er more concern thyself with things of auld (why is this mythical creature from the King James Bible?) Now, thou art all knowing and all seeing. Verily, here be thine membership card, please sign it on the back immediately with a ballpoint pen.”

But I get it. Whilst I love unsolicited comments on how I am meant to experience life, they are, of course, kind of right. After all, to the people who didn’t know you before, you will always be “Tarquin’s Mum” first and foremost (no, I did not name either of my children Tarquin) and that’s going to take some getting used to (if for no other reason than it makes you question your decision to name your child Tarquin).

However, they are also kind of not right.

Because when I gave birth, there was no mythical creature, I didn’t need to find a ballpoint pen (thankfully - seriously, where do they all go?) and the 37 years I’d spent on the planet until that point didn’t disappear in a puff of smoke. My CV, for want of a better way of looking at it, didn’t suddenly go all Ctrl+A/delete on me.

True, parenthood might be somewhat all-consuming at the moment, but it’s already less so at 4 months than it was at 2, and I am thoroughly enjoying using the extra headspace to remind myself who I (still) am and (still) want to be underneath all the madness.

So as an interesting exercise for myself and a handy summary for anyone keen to know a bit more about me, here is a very brief guide to my past, present and future in job form…

Things I have been:

• Student (maths, physics, IT, music)
• Recruitment consultant (for 2 months, never again)
• PA
• Team secretary
• Tax consultant
• Accounts assistant
• Typist/transcriber/notetaker
• Marketing assistant
• Office manager
• Project manager
• Opera singer (this is less of a 180 than it might seem)

Things I currently am:

• Student (psychology and sociology)
• Jazz and big band singer
• Mum of 4 month old twins

Things I wish to be:

• Student (counselling, BSL)
• Counsellor
• Still a jazz and big band singer
• Mum of well adjusted young people who have left home

Each of these things has played a part in shaping who I am today and who I will be in the future. As human beings, we are simply products of our lived experiences. Parenthood might be a bit of a Biggie, but it’s just another experience. So here’s to everything and nothing changing at the same time. Like every other day. But with more nappies.

xx