One woman's perspective of (twin) parenting (and other thoughts about things)
If parenting is consistent about one thing, it’s change.
More specifically, I often find that the moment I finally nail something down - a routine, a thought, a decision, a parenting principle, whatever it might be - the Smols and/or the universe immediately decide that it is no longer relevant (or possible)…
Of course, mostly, this is Really Very Frustrating.
But sometimes - just sometimes - it’s beautiful.
As I write, Smol T is happily snoozing away. My plans for today’s nap were to do some college work, some journaling and a bit of house-tidying admin.
And then, this morning happened.
This morning was basically perfect.
So I’m writing about that instead of all that other stuff.
Because, truly, these mornings don’t happen often. One or other of the Smols is angry most of the time at the moment, and even if they aren’t, other things happen - the dog is angry or poorly, my husband is angry or poorly, I am angry or poorly (there’s a theme here, I realise), or maybe the plans I make fall through and I’m suddenly faced with a full day of childcare at home.
But no, this morning, none of this happened.
The day started with Smol T and Smol J happily bouncing into our bedroom at a relatively decent hour (6.30am is good, trust me). They climbed into bed for some cuddles and then happily went about their morning play (/destruction of the playroom) whilst my husband and I worked out how to be awake.
We had the normal dramas around teeth brushing and immediately rejecting the T shirts they’d just chosen et c., but after that, suddenly everything just went smoothly. It’s Wednesday today, AKA One Child Wednesdays (good start) so we got Smol J in their coat and shoes and strapped them into the buggy so that Daddy could take them to nursery. I stayed behind with Smol T and we had a delightful breakfast - they ate LOADS whilst they happily chatted and sang about everything and nothing, and then they announced that they were finished and that they needed a clean nappy please, Mummy (they did). Once we’d sorted that out, we got ready to leave the house.
My plan for the morning was to go to a craft session at a local museum that we’ve not made it to yet, but when I went to book they were sold out so I thought we’d just go to the playground instead (“Go see playground! Yay! Go find swings!”).
But then - and I cannot emphasise enough the joy contained within this moment - we had this conversation:
T: “Mummy, are we going to the lake?”
Me: “Oh, we weren’t going to go to the lake, we were going to go to the playground, but would you like to go to the lake?”
T: “Yes! Want to see ducks!”
Me: “OK, great, let’s go and see the ducks!”
T: “Yaaaaay”
Me: “But we have to get petrol first”
T: “OK. Petrol first then ducks.”
Mind. Blown.
My children are old enough to converse about what they want to do. This is still so amazing to me and I Am Here For It.
(Obviously it helps when there’s only one of them because inevitably they never want to do the same thing when they are together - even if the only reason they want to do x is because the other one wants to do y.)
We got some petrol (“see ducks now!”), then found a bench at the lake to sit on. Smol T sat quietly transfixed on my lap whilst the ducks (who had quickly realised we had no bread - side note: don’t feed ducks bread happily bopped about in front of us. After a quarter of an hour or so, Smol T looked at me and said “lunch now?” I asked them if they’d had enough of looking at ducks: “Yes, lunch now, this way” (pointing at the cafe we sometimes go to when we come to this lake). And off we went.
We had a great lunch (there was cake, for that is what was requested), we fed the ducks (with proper duck food), then we had a lovely walk back to the car, including a beautiful moment where Smol T wanted to stop so that they could give me lots of kisses (MY HEART). Then we drove home, had a peaceful nappy change, a lovely pre-nap story (Little Miss Helpful is a current favourite) and off to sleep they went.
My heart is full. Overflowing.
There is an important background context here, which speaks to yet another positive change of plans, albeit one a bit more macro in scale.
Yesterday, I had a conversation with a (similarly-minded) parent about their unexpectedly emotional reaction to their child starting secondary school. I have come across this plenty before, of course, but there was something about this particular person, and knowing that we share quite a similar philosophy towards parenting, that made me react differently. I felt like I was maybe seeing my future played out in front of me, and I realised - perhaps for the first time - what people go on about when they say you should make the most of the time you have with children when they are little.
“But-”, I could already hear my brain saying, “-we just decided to send the Smols to nursery loads more for everybody’s sanity!”
It’s handy, then, that since my last post, Smol T and Smol J have been much easier to get on with (see comment earlier about things changing the second you feel like you’ve got a handle on what’s going on). They are still toddlers, don’t get me wrong, but for whatever combination of reasons (including, I’m sure, my starting college again and having some proper greyspace), things just feel Less Horrendous than they have the last couple of months. Even before that experience with my friend yesterday, I was already wondering whether my plan to send them to nursery 4 days a week was perhaps a bit rash. I’m surrounded by people telling me that the 2-3 year old window (once you’re over the initial shock of toddlerdom) is actually amazing, so maybe a bit more nursery time is good but not as much as possible? We’ll see. Essentially, though, I find myself being relieved that circumstances have not yet facilitated a leap in nursery hours, and I think that speaks volumes.
Of course, tomorrow I have a solo parenting day with both Smols (the husband is in That London for work) and it might be horrendous and I might feel very differently again.
But that’s tomorrow.
Today is one for the memory bank :)
xx